Bay Area digital road signs - some new messages

While driving along the freeway today (6 lane divided highway, 65 mph speed limit) there was one of the CalTrans digital information signs mounted on a trailer on the shoulder. These sometimes warn you of local hazards ("SHOULDER CLOSED AHEAD") or maybe more general public information ("SERIOUS DROUGHT HELP SAVE WATER"). This one caused my eyebrows to raise because it said "WATCH OUT FOR PEOPLE IN ALL ROADWAYS". Not the specific "ROAD WORK AHEAD, MEN IN ROAD" but instead an almost completely useless message with no specificity of time or location. And yet, someone had taken the time to add the message and show in on the freeway, so I can only imagine that random people wandering along the freeway is, or has been, a real problem.

This got me thinking about what messages might actually be useful and relevant to Bay Area drivers, based on the past few years of experience driving on their roads. I would suggest:

• MIRRORS: THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR YOUR MAKE-UP
• WHEN YOU REVERSE, THINGS COME AT YOU FROM BEHIND
• INDICATORS: NOT JUST FOR WHEN YOU'RE PARKED IN A FIRE LANE
• YOUR F-350 TRUCK IS NOT AN ELECTRIC VEHICLE, DON'T PARK IN THOSE BAYS
• DRIVER WEIGHING 400LBS DOES NOT MAKE YOUR CAR A HIGH OCCUPANCY VEHICLE
• LOOK FURTHER AHEAD THAN THE CAR IN FRONT ONCE IN A WHILE
• PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE DOWN, WE'RE NOT KIDDING
• DON'T PARK DIRECTLY ON A CORNER
• LET MERGING TRAFFIC IN AHEAD OF YOU, YOU SELFISH GIT
• INSURANCE: IT'S NOT OPTIONAL
• DON'T DRIVE AND EAT TAKEOUT FOOD FROM YOUR LAP
• THERE'S A TRUCK IN YOUR BLIND SPOT
• CHECK YOUR DAMN TIRE PRESSURE ONCE IN A WHILE

and let's not forget:

• VISITING THE DMV? ABANDON ALL HOPE

Some illegals more equal than others - California edition

In a conversation at work today, a colleague mentioned that her Iceland-born spouse needed someone to go with him to the local branch of the California Department of Motor Vehicles (aka the First Circle of Hell) because he had to take a test. There was widespread surprise at this - didn't he have a valid licence from another country, and wasn't this OK? Yes he did, and no it wasn't; as of 15th May, the California DMV will no longer issue temporary driving licences when you pass their written test.

For context on why this matters: for foreign citizens, when you move to California and become resident (paying rent / utility bills locally) you're required to get a driving licence within 10 days of this event if you want to continue driving in California. Up until May, this was straight forward: you went to the DMV, took their written tests - tedious but not too hard - then booked a practical test and in return got a temporary driving licence that you could renew if the test got postponed. The practical test took 1-3 weeks to reserve a reasonable slot until recently, but this year's announcement that certain immigrants didn't have to prove any legal residence status has caused a huge rush of applications and backlog of tests.

Now that foreign citizens don't get the temporary licence, they can't drive unaccompanied from day 11 of their residency until the date that they pass the (admittedly easy) driving test. Sounds like a bit of a regression, so what's going on?

Let's look at the requirements for California DMV form AB60 guidelines on proving identity if you're not already a Californian:

Foreign Document that is valid, approved by the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and electronically verified by DMV with the country of origin:

• Mexican Federal Electoral Card (Instituto Federal Electoral (IFE) Credencial para Votar – 2013 version)
• Mexican Passport (issued in 2008 or later and includes digital photo and digital signature)
• Mexican Consular Card (Matricula Consular – 2006 and 2014 versions)
• Foreign Passport that is valid and approved by DMV (see page 4 & 5 for list of DMV approved passports). The customer must also provide his/her social security number (SSN) that is electronically verifiable with the Social Security Administration.

Well, that's tough luck if you're an illegal immigrant (i.e. not able to get a legit Social Security number because you're not a legal resident) and not Mexican, right? Luckily there's an alternative if you have a foreign passport but not an SSN: if you have one of the following then you're OK:

• Argentinian Identification Card (Documento Nacional de Identidad (DNI) – 2009 or 2012 version)
• Brazilian Consular Card (Carteira de Matricula Consular – 2010 version)
• Chilean Identification Card (Cedula de Identidad – 2013 version)
• Colombian Consular Card (Consular Registration – 2015 version)
• Ecuadorian National Identification Card (Cedula de Ciudadania – 2006 or 2009 version)
• Ecuadorian Consular Card (Tarjeta De Identification Consular – 2015 version)
• El Salvadorian Identification Card (Documento Unico de Identidad (DUI) – 2010 version)
• Guatemalan National Identification Card (Documento Personal de Identificacion (DPI) – 2012 version)
• Guatemalan Consular Card (Tarjeta de Identificacion Consular – 2002 version)
• Peruvian Identification Card (Documento Nacional de Identidad (DNI) – 2005 version)

Or you can show another foreign passport: so if you're a dual national then by my reading, you're sorted. Other than that, if you're not from Central/South America and don't have legal residence then you're pretty much sunk. Yay for the major South American nations, except Venezuela or Uruguay, but boo for anyone else.

To recap: if you're an illegal immigrant then you don't really care about driving illegally in the short term. But long term it could be a problem, which is why California has the above AB60 guidance about handing out driving licenses. If you're from Central/South America then they have you covered, otherwise they really don't seem to care. It's perfectly fine for a country to be antagonistic to illegal aliens (that's me struck off Shahid Haque-Hausrath's Christmas card list) but to be arbitrarily receptive to citizens of some countries and not others smacks of, oh I don't know, naked political favouritism?

And now legal immigrants will find it substantially harder to comply with the laws of the state that they're living in - and paying taxes to. Nice one, California.

Precision engineering by Honda

This is not a sponsored post

A buddy of mine over Stateside nearly departed the land of the living today. Heading down the freeway at a speed around the limit (65 mph) he moved to avoid a collision, got clipped on the rear, and drove at nearly full speed into the concrete Jersey barriers separating the eastbound from westbound traffic. Those barriers being notable for their inability to yield, his Acura was reduced substantially in length. What was notable, however, was that the trashing of the engine compartment and its subsequent intrusion into the driver space stopped almost exactly at his knees - they were a little sore, and he was disoriented from the various exploding airbags, but he was able to climb out of the vehicle and wait for the emergency services.

While wanting to berate the EMS crews who let him walk away from the wreck and get a ride home without doing the prophylactic collar-and-board that anyone with a PHTLS certification would have carried out, we should stop and marvel at the design and engineering that has successfully dissipated the massive energy in a 50mph+ near-frontal impact into every single bit of the car except the space occupied by people. When we consider the steady decline in traffic fatalities since 1990, it seems pointless to deny the role played by safety engineering and relentless study of the mechanics of road traffic accident injuries.

For those of you looking at a Honda-brand car for your next vehicle, they seem to know what they are doing with regards to safety.

Needless to say, he was wearing his seatbelt. Princess Di conspiracy theorists, take note.

Foxworthy had it right, but wrong country

Jeff Foxworthy ("You might be a redneck if...") in early 1996:

The Olympics in Georgia... God, you know we're gonna screw that up... Hell, the Olympic rings will be five old tires nailed together.

He could have equally well been talking about London 2012. On our first opportunity to make an impression on foreign athletes, what happens?

The opening of a special 'Olympic Lane' today was meant to help athletes and VIPs make the 45-minute journey from Heathrow Airport to Stratford in effortless ease.
Try telling that to US hurdler Kerron Clement, who tweeted his frustration this morning after he was left stranded in traffic for four hours when his bus driver got lost en route to the Olympic Village.

Oopsie.

Even once they'd made it to the village, their travails weren't over:

USA Track and Field confirmed the American athletes were heading to the Village just to pick up their accreditation before travelling to their pre-Games training camp in Birmingham.

Birmingham? We're hosting our American cousins in a slightly warmer version of the South Side of Chicago?

Still, at least the driver found a road where he could drive legally. No such comfort in Southampton Row where the new Olympic lane makes it impossible for any non-Olympic non-bus driver to proceed.

The closer we get to these games, the more I think it's going to go horrifically wrong.

I'll take that driving licence, sir, you won't be needing it

A small prize for the most pathetic excuse for driver incompetence seems to be indicated for Mr. Jawad Hassan of Bradford:

A family narrowly escaped disaster after their car got stuck on a level crossing with a train approaching, forcing them desperately flee the vehicle.
...
Mr Hassan told the police: "I did not mean to cross the barriers. I knew it was wrong. It just happened."

"It just happened." No doubt the car had a mind of its own and accelerated under the descending barrier despite the desperate efforts of Mr. Hassan to stop it.

Had his people carrier been hit by a train, his life would have been no great loss, but the death of his four passengers would have been devastating for the train driver concerned. So what is the penalty for gambling with the lives of five innocent people for no good reason?

Mr Hassan was sentenced to nine months' imprisonment, suspended for 12 months, with 150 hours of unpaid work.
He is banned from driving for 18 months and must take an extended retest before getting back behind the wheel.

Frankly, I would prefer that this "extended retest" take approximately 1 minute. "Are you Mr. Jawad Hassan?" "Yes." "Congratulations, you've failed, you irresponsible bastard. Come back in ten years."