Guidance for home invasions

To set the scene, Police Chief Jim McSween, of York, Ontario, has been disturbed by recent home invasions in his city, and has therefore enlisted the help of the media in getting his message out to the homeowners.

We are urging citizens not to take matters into their own hands. While we don't want homeowners to feel powerless, we urge you to call 911 and do everything you can to keep yourself and loved ones safe until police arrive, and be the best witness possible.
This could mean locking yourself in a room away from the perpetrators, hiding, fleeing the home, but don't engage unless absolutely necessary.

You see what he's saying? Allow the perp the free run of the house, cower away, and only come out once the police rock up in a few hours time. Or days.

Our service is doing everything posssible to investigate these crimes, and to maintain public safety.

Except, of course, actually catching the perps in the act and ensuring they don't repeat their actions any time soon.

I'd like to remind people that our top priority is the safety of all our communities. [...] The best defense for most people, as you've heard, is to comply.

The safety of all thus including, apparently, the criminal community.

What a spineless, time-serving, git.

Of course, one may wonder what happens if a home invasion does not follow the pattern suggested by Chief McSween. Fortunately, the USA TV channel ABC's "20/20" show is doing a special on a 2022 Idaho home invasion - four college students in a basement house - brutally murdered with a large knife - and as of July the murderer Bryan Kohberger pled guilty and managed to avoid the death penalty.

Of course, Chief McSween was only speaking about one Canadian town (part of the much larger Greater Toronto Area). Realising that this is an internationally-read blog, your humble author aims to give regionally appropriate guidance. If you live in any of the following cities, here's what you can expect from the local police force.

Manhattan, NY

"What are you doing with a gun? Them just for criminals, and retired police officers. You're heading to Rikers, sonny."

San Francisco, CA

"You shoot an intruder, we'll arrest you, he'll sue you, and he'll win."

Houston, TX

"Nice grouping there, sir. Come down to the station this afternoon and we should be able to return your weapon. You've got one spare in the meantime? No? You want one?"

Wichita, KS

"Just make sure the body is within the property line when we turn up, sir."

Little Rock, AR

"Body outside the property line? No problem, ma'am, we'll drag it back inside before we take the crime scene photos."

Juneau, AK

"Y'know, sir, I heard that if you leave a body outside around here, it's just gone by the morning."

Good hunting!