24 hours in A+E - the end-of-the-road edition.

Now we have Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning. Should be a corker.

Props to the Filipino nurse looking after Ted and Irene - the man was very smooth. Ted was on his way out with a cancerous tumour in the bladder, knew it was there but was very stiff-upper-lip about the whole thing. Irene was apologising for calling the sister over - I don't know what the opposite of 'entitled' is, but Irene feels it in spades. Ted and Irene were stretching to try to see the bright side of life in very trying circumstances. As sister Maria said, you don't always get the privilege of spending time with people like that.

One young chap, Ian, was skateboarding while drunk and broke his ankle. Two components of the pisshead triad at minimum. The exact circs of the breakage may remain a mystery. Ian hated needles, but clearly not enough to offset his like of beer.

Emergency technician Amanda caused my teeth to grate somewhat. Does this make me a bad person? The ambulance crews call her "Peggy Mitchell" so it's not just me. She must have loved kicked-in-the-face patient Duncan as he could barely talk, so she got all the air time.

A patient came in with a heart attack - the team was administering CPR, which is already a pretty bad sign. Sure enough, the consultant called it a day. To be fair to Amanda she was up on the man's chest pumping away like a good'un.

"Every year 7 million people have accidents at work". I'd bet a considerable sum that there may be 7 million reported accidents at work, but there are a good number of those people who have multiple accidents. The example shown to us was a hedge trimmer vs finger; a Polish gardener shooting the breeze with Roman his German doctor. Roman has had to adapt the typical German direct approach to the British patient. "Will it hurt?" "Oh, yes!" gets the nurses telling him off. He sounded not a little irked with a British GP telling a patient with splinter-in-the-thumb from a month ago to come to A+E. I can see his point. God forbid that the GP should actually have to do anything tricky.

70p for a Bounty in the vending machine? Talk about captive audience pricing.

When the resus sister Sharon is saying "Oh my God, this is ridiculous" as the phone rings again, you know it's a good night. From one point of view. "So Stuart, what were you doing up the tree?" He doesn't remember. Alcohol, stupidity, gravity, kerching. Stuart likes to live life on the edge, but is afraid of his mother finding out. You couldn't make it up. "You're silly and you do stupid things" as his girlfriend observed, cutting to the heart of the issue.

A week later, Ted passed on. Stuart and Ian are, unfortunately, fine.

Next week: a 16 year old with query stroke. WTF? A different patient has a history of 74 previous suicide attempts. Let's be honest, she's not really trying.

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