The USPS wants to send more junk mail

The US Postal Service, possibly most famous for the character of Newman in Seinfeld, is imploring businesses to use them to send more junk mail because they just don't send enough as it is.

Uh-huh.

I've seen what a typical American mailbox looks like. Sorting out actual mail from the various flyers, "news/offers" pamphlets, catalogs and miscellaneous tree-destroying crap requires dexterity and the patience of Job. I particularly liked the way they'd wrap real mail in the offers mini-newspapers so that you had to work through the whole thing before throwing it away, lest your cable or power bill end up in the recycling bin.

If this appeal bears fruit, I confidently expect US citizens to start leaving mousetraps, poisonous spiders and Claymore mines in their mailboxes. If the USPS wants to address its ballooning deficit, it needs to do something about its pension promises. Alienating its customers is not going to help, whatever it might think.

Happy Festivus!

In the spirit of today's Festivus Day, I'd like to wish everyone a very happy Festivus.

With that out of the way, we come to the Airing of Grievances:

Hector Sants and the FSA

Hector, my friend, you continue to disappoint. You couldn't regulate your way out of a wet paper bag. Bernie Madoff did more for effective financial regulation than your bunch of clowns ever achieved.

Kim Jong Il

Why didn't you pop your clogs about ten years earlier, you lazy git? Were you waiting for Team America: World Police 2 to be released?

The Occupy Movement

On behalf of everyone who pays the taxes to clean up the disgusting messes you leave behind you: get a job. Performing bodily functions inside St. Paul's Cathedral? What the hell?

Apple

As per my earlier post, what kind of inept monkeys are you employing in the software development and QA departments these days? Keep this kind of performance up and Android is going to eat not just your lunch but also your dinner, elevenses, and possibly your midnight snack.

On the bright side, we were delivered a genuine Festivus Miracle today: nuclear sector workers being paid to spend more time in meetings. Something to warm the cockles of one's heart.