The Ming-o-meter

If you are sitting in your living room as you read this post, you may be wondering if you should clean up a bit. As a public service, here are scoring criteria to determine just how minging your room is.

Start with 4 points (original sin)

  • Deduct 1 if you have vacuumed within 3 days
  • Deduct 1 if you have tidied within 2 days
  • Deduct 1 if you have cleaned within 2 days
  • Add 5 if you don't know the difference between 'tidied' and 'cleaned'
  • Add 1 for each unwashed cup, mug or glass present. Add another 2 for each that has actual mold or insect life present.
  • Add 2 for each square metre of floor covered with unwashed clothing. If you washed it more than 1 day ago and it's on the floor then, believe me, it's not clean.
  • Add 5 if you cannot tell the original colour of the floor.
  • Add 1 for each 10 inches of your TV screen diagonal if the TV is currently turned on. Do this for each TV.
  • Add 3 if the curtains are closed and it's daytime.
  • Add 10 if Kim and Aggie would refuse to enter the room.
  • Add 2 for every unwashed plate. Add 2 if the plate has a detectable amount of food. Add 5 if that food is Mayo or tomato ketchup
  • Add 2 for every pet or small child that roams the floor. Add 5 if you have spotted poop in the past week. Add 50 if you still haven't cleaned it up.
  • If you spend more than 8 hours a day in this room, double your score.

If you're over 8 points, you really should clean up.
If you're over 20, stop browsing the Internet Right Now Dammit and go buy cleaning kit from your nearest supermarket.
If you're over 50, you still aren't as bad as the room I was in this morning. I need a shower.

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