The money quotes from this evening's episode of stabbing, slabbing, blabbing and blubbering:
Amanda the med tech: "When people come into the department, they're often very scared and so it's nice to be able to put them at their ease." Just before she rams a wide-bore needle into them and sucks out their blood. "Welcome to Kings, have a nice day!"
(Why do people have the instinct to look away when they get needles shoved in their arm? Wouldn't you expect the natural reaction to be a check that blood isn't spurting out of the wound as from a ruptured fire hydrant?)
John with the abdominal aortic aneurysm: he'd spent 140 quid on a private medical screening which had spotted the ballooning aorta and referred him to A+E. As his doctor said: "Best 140 pounds you ever spent!" So much for GP health screening. They took him off to Coffin Ward (well, that's what he and I thought it sounded like). Nice job, whoever came up with that name.
They have a sandwich trolley in the waiting area. Now that's not a bad idea, and one our local A+E could certainly use. Serving coffee you can actually drink would be quite the advance too.
Pritpal the sandwich guy: "I wanted to be a doctor, but thank God I have my health and I can play even a small part in making people better." Quite right, chap.
Two chubby smokers come out of the department to light up. "Ah, that's it man, real air, not like that recirculated shit they have in there." The irony meter nearly melted.
92 year old Irene showed Job-like tolerance of a sustained patronising from her consultant Liz. After admitting to a nip of brandy morning and evening, she was told "Since you've got to the ripe old age of 92, I think we'll let you have that." Excuse me Liz, "let you"? Irene got this far in life, having lived approximately three times as long as Liz, she can do whatever the heck she wants.
Darren has hurt his foot from kicking a chair while playing a computer game. If breathing wasn't an autonomic reflex, Darren would be dead in short order. Between him and his girlfriend they have comparable intelligence to a below-average cat, but not quite as much common sense.
On the bright side, only one minor stabbing, and they skipped lightly over it. I was wondering whether this was to give more variety in the programme, but another stabbing featured prominently in the trailer for next week's episode, so fans of deep-penetrating trauma can look forward to it.
According to an advert, Mercedes has "125! years of evolution". I don't think the universe has been around for quite that long.