Diplomatic leak - USA ambassador to the UK

Followuing the leak of messages from the UK ambassador to the USA Sir Kim Darroch, your humble correspondent is pleased to report a rare coup [I'm totally making this up] of message intercepts from the USA's ambassador to the UK.

Let me repeat for the benefit of intelligence agencies, this is totally made up. If it turns out to be mostly correct, that's not my problem.

From: UKAMB Matthew W. Barzun 
Date: June 23 2016
Subject: Brexit

OK, I totally didn't see that coming. 

Are USA diplomatic personnel strictly liable for debts to UK bookmakers?
Asking for a friend.


From: UKAMB Matthew W. Barzun 
Date: July 10 2016
Subject: UK Conservative party leadership contest

Met with one of the Conservative leadership contenders, one Treesa May.
Polite, inoffensive, educated, terrible poker player. No chance she'll win unless
the Conservative party members have lost their senses. Mind, they picked
D Cameron previously, so who knows...


From: UKAMB Matthew W. Barzun 
Date: July 12 2016
Subject: Welcome to the new UK Prime Minister

Tell Barack to brush up a bit on the rules of poker, but he can take the UK to the
cleaners whenever he wants.


From: UKAMB Matthew W. Barzun 
Date: November 7 2016
Subject: Future diplomatic assignments

Everything's looking good from my end. Theresa is available for the ritual congrats
call whenever HRC wants. Thinking about a public leak of the convo - female Pres to
female PM, looks good to the voters both side.

Brooke's getting a bit tired of London and worried about the kids' accents. I hear
rumors that Janie H has had enough of Paris - any chance we could swap? Just a
thought.


From: UKAMB Matthew W. Barzun 
Date: November 9 2016
Subject: Fuck

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Fuck.

Any chance of a judicial review?

How's HRC taking it?



From: DCM Lewis Lukens
Date: January 18 2017
Subject: Testing

Is this thing on?

Any suggestions on format of messaging that DJT likes to hear?

Current assessment on the ground is that Theresa will spring an election on the country
in the next few months - and she'll cruise to victory, because the Opposition Leader
is a less hygienic and more socialist version of B Sanders. Going to put a few $$ on
a 50+ seat win at William Hill, anyone who wants in on the action pls send money in the
next diplomatic bag.


From: DCM Lewis Lukens
Date: June 9 2017
Subject: Predicting the future is hard

I don't have access to replies to UKAMB Barzun, what was the advice re his query
on UK bookmaker liability?



From: UMKAMB Robert Wood Johnson
Date: August 22 2017
Subject: UK catch-up

Anyone who says that they know what's happening with Brexit is a liar. This is
the shit-show of all shit-shows. Theresa managed to lose her majority to a guy who
would be pushed to win a minor role in Seattle politics.

Say hi to Melania!


From: UMKAMB Robert Wood Johnson
Date: Jan 15 2019
Subject: Clean-up

Had a friendly poker game with Theresa May (alleged national leader),
Olly Robbins (head of Brexit negotiations), and Philip Hammond (does
something with the UK Treasury, I hear). Cleaned up nicely. .

Hearing rumors about a leadership challenge if things go screwy before the March
deadline. Frankly, this lot couldn't score in a brothel if they had $100
bills jammed in their orifices, so who knows what they'll do.


From: Woody Johnson
Date: May 24 2019
Subject: Thank fuck for that

Theresa has finally thrown in the towel. Only about three Goddamn years overdue
but she was never a quick learner.

I had $1000 on Boris J as Brexit PM back in 2016, and intend to roll this over to
2019. Anyone else wants a piece of the action, you know the drill - cash up front.

Suzanne and kids are enjoying the increased buying power of the $. Tell DJT that
now is a great time to visit, if he can stand the weather....